10. Intolerance

10.  Intolerance :

Is intolerance a virtue or a demerit?  No, I am not talking about countries and religious faiths. I am talking about human beings – travelling for long hours in crowded local trains / buses to earn a living and that living is in terms of one meal of vada pav/ bun maska or roti- sabji / dal chawal and sharing a single room with 5 more family members.

Over my 22 years of travel in local trains in Mumbai I have come across number of people who work hard at home, at place of work and travel long distances uncomfortably in public transport.  On one such day in train, I found a young girl of may be 23-24 years of age.  Looking at her attire, she seemed to come from a reasonably well off family.  She had tears in her eyes.  Initially I left her alone but sooner when my friend arrived, inquisitiveness took the better part of us and we asked her if we could be of help to her in anyway. 

She could then not contain herself and slowly opened up to say that she was married recently.  Her parents had gifted her lot of soft furnishings and decorative articles for her new house at the time of marriage.  Upon her marriage, she and her husband decorated their new home according to their taste.  Her in-laws, who lived in a village had come to visit them.  They lacked aesthetic sense and didn’t quite appreciate the décor of the house.  Within no time, the artefacts, cushions on the sofa, side table sculptures and paintings were mishandled  and messed up, which this girl could not tolerate.  She was totally upset at their behavior.   

Meanwhile, another co-passenger told her story that in her house, her in-laws never put things in their respective places.  Due to which, most of the time, each one ends up searching for things.  In the evening when she reached home from work, her first job would only be to put things in their respective places due to which she would  always be in an awful and irritable mood, the moment she entered her house. 

Then my senior colleague and friend, who had the experience of ‘been there, done that’  spoke to say that these irksome mannerisms and habits were the real challenges to be faced in order to get alongwith with new family members after marriage.  As much to our non-acceptance and  egoistic nature in the initial days of marriage, that much more we become dependent on these very same in-laws at the time of difficulty such as sickness, or for help during child rearing, festivals etc. and slowly come into becoming the closest family member of our own in-laws.  Gradually we adapt the family traditions, method and ways of cooking and performing prasads for festivals etc. and eventually, with tact and patience and with the help of our own kids, we do get an opportunity to balance our life and home according to our own taste.

After all, it is just a matter of time.  Who knows who will need whom at the time of any crisis?  Do we really need to give too much importance to material things of show and décor? Aren’t people and relationships more important?  How do then large families live in smaller places such as chawls or single rooms and still maintain cordial relationship with each other?  Also at times of festivals and community celebrations, the gaiety and pomp is manifold among people tolerant towards each other.  Intolerance, whether right or wrong,  towards fellow beings living under the same roof then is a thought-provoking question?

You are great if you can find faults,

Greater if you can remove or reduce them,

But you are the greatest if you accept and love others with their faults.